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Finding Home in Exile: How Ukrainian Refugees Remember Their Time in Polish Households

By Kamil Łuczaj, University of Łódź, Poland

What is it like to flee your home overnight and rebuild life in a stranger’s house? For many Ukrainian refugees who arrived in Poland after Russia’s full-scale invasion in February 2022, the answer is woven with fear, resilience, and unexpected acts of kindness. But how do they remember those first chaotic weeks – and what stories do they choose to tell? This post dives into the narratives of 30 Ukrainian war refugees who found temporary refuge in Polish households. Through interviews conducted in 2023, it explores how they recount their journeys – from the moment the invasion began to their experiences settling into a new, unfamiliar space. While every story is unique, common threads emerge: the shock of displacement, the challenges of adapting to a new culture, and the fragile hope of rebuilding life from scratch.

Statue of a person sitting on a bench, photo by Taylor Walling (@taylorwalling) in Łódź, Poland, 2022.
Published under Unsplash license.

Why Focus on Storytelling?

Because how people frame their experiences matters. Following the approach of biographical sociology, which examines how social contexts shape personal narratives, this study reveals the emotional landscapes and key life events that shape refugee storytelling. Interestingly, while some interviewees emphasized fear and uncertainty, others highlighted moments of unexpected strength and solidarity – challenging the stereotype of the refugee as solely a victim.

In the end, this analysis is not just about individual stories – it is about understanding how forced migration shapes identity and memory, often in ways that only become clear when people put their experiences into words. Our Polish-Ukrainian research team set out to explore these questions by interviewing Ukrainian refugees and Polish hosts. Given the difficulty of articulating traumatic experiences (Kaźmierska 1999), we conducted semi-structured, in-depth interviews with open-ended questions – designed to encourage storytelling without the pressure of unstructured interviews. We first interviewed Polish hosts, who were less vulnerable. Once our Ukrainian colleagues joined the team, we began interviewing Ukrainian refugees, with Olha Krasko an Ukrainian researcher who experienced the invasion herself conducting these sensitive conversations. Importantly, while we employ the term “Ukrainian refugees” in line with public discourse, not all participants met the legal definition of refugee status.

These interviews did not aim to capture fixed truths. Following a social constructivist approach, we understood migration as a process of constantly evolving memories and meanings. Every interview was a co-authored story, shaped by both the participant and the interviewer (Eastmond 2007). We analyzed the collected data using QDA Miner software and discussing preliminary findings in research seminars (see: Luczaj, Leonowicz-Bukała and Krasko; Luczaj 2025).

Telling the Story of War: Fear, Strength, and Everyday Survival

Across different contexts, one recurring theme stands out in the analysis of war narratives: the powerful role emotions play in shaping how people remember and narrate their experiences. Take fear, for instance. Pilar Riaño‐Alcalá (2008) found that for Colombian migrants in Canada, fear was not just a fleeting feeling – it became a thread woven into their memories of fleeing violence, navigating migration systems, and starting life anew. Likewise, Pries, Calderón Morillón, and Estrada Ceron (2024) found that Central American migrants travelling toward the USA often spoke of violence as an everyday reality – something so common it became almost “natural” in their narratives.

But refugee narratives are not solely about fear and trauma – they are also about strength, resilience, and adaptation. This is particularly evident in studies of post-2014 Ukrainian migration. For example, Valeria Lazarenko (2018) showed how broader societal discourses in Ukraine shape the personal stories of those displaced by conflict. Her study highlights the importance of local communities and how individuals adapt to life in new cities within Ukraine, offering insights into the emotional and social dimensions of forced migration.

Lazarenko’s findings seem to tie into a concept known as “structures of feeling,” coined by Raymond Williams (1977/2015). This term refers to shared emotional experiences that are still evolving and often felt as private or isolating. Yet, when analyzed collectively, these feelings reveal broader social patterns and power dynamics. In the context of war narratives, these structures of feeling – fear, instability, and resilience – become visible as individuals recount their experiences of conflict and displacement.

Recent studies on post-2022 Ukrainian refugees have begun to explore these emotional patterns. For instance, Ivashchenko and Kiselyova (2024) found that the process of remembering and narrating the refugee experience is closely tied to identity formation. Despite the emotional hardships of forced migration, many women expressed a newfound sense of strength, suggesting that the experience of war and displacement, while deeply challenging, can also foster resilience and self-empowerment. Similar themes have been observed among Polish refugees who fled to Australia after World War II (Kwapisz Williams 2014), challenging the stereotype of migrants as inherently vulnerable or marginalized (Ahmed 2000).

However, as biographical sociology reminds us, personal experiences of war do not always align with public narratives. Each refugee’s story is unique, shaped not only by what they have been through but also by how they choose to remember and tell their story. Understanding these narratives means listening closely – not just to what is said, but to the emotions and silences that shape the telling.

How Was the Homestay Accommodation Narrated?

Paradise Lost

A common narrative among Ukrainian refugees was an idealized pre-war life. About half of the 30 interviewees explicitly stated they had a good life before February 24, 2022, highlighting they had everything needed for happiness – family, friends, and stable communities. Many described fulfilling professions and comfortable routines, which were abruptly disrupted by the war, leaving them uncertain about their futures (Daria, UKR25). Others reminisced about everyday pleasures like family gatherings and local trips (Ieva, UKR11), or the ease of accessing personal services (Oksana, UKR27).

I constantly have flashbacks from my old life, I miss those trips on a bike with friends, sports lessons with my teachers, gatherings with my family, watching a film together, my mother’s and father’s food, the opportunity to leave my son with my mother and father, friends with whom you can come and just sit and be quiet (Ieva, UKR11).

Notably, other interviewees, though less direct, still idealized pre-war life, contrasting it with their current situation (Ludmila, UKR23). This reflects what Løland (2020) and Lazarenko (2018) describe as the tendency to idealize the past, even in the face of hardship.

Optimistic Inital Expectations

One of the most notable insights regarding the Ukrainian war and the social responses to it is the widespread belief in Ukraine’s eventual victory. Early in 2024, surveys revealed that 85% of Ukrainians held this conviction, although this represented a slight decrease from 93% a year earlier (Razumkov Centre 2024)[1]. This optimism was echoed in public discourse and personal narratives, as many refugees anticipated a brief displacement period. Some, like Oksana, initially expected to stay in Poland for only a month, viewing it as a temporary refuge while the war would quickly end.

However, these initial expectations were often quickly dashed. While the belief in Ukraine’s eventual victory remained intact, refugees, along with their Polish hosts, came to realize that the war could last much longer than anticipated. Personal testimonies revealed how this realization gradually set in. Antonina, for example, acknowledged after a month that the war was unlikely to end soon, leading to conversations about extending her stay. Margo, another interviewee, humorously reflected on how her brief stay in Poland turned into two years, highlighting the enduring uncertainty faced by many refugees.

I only realized when we had already lived there for about a month… I realize that we all thought that maybe it would be over soon. We lived for a month, and then I started talking to them about ‘how long I could stay with you’. Because I don’t know what to do next, where to go. They said there was no problem at all. ‘Live as long as you need to’. ‘Don’t think about anything, don’t worry’ (Antonina, UKR23).

These expectations were not isolated to the refugees themselves. Polish hosts, many of whom responded to the crisis instinctively, also struggled with the long-term nature of the situation. Research on Polish “helpers” (Kalinowska et al., 2023; Rudnicki, 2024) highlights how their actions, motivated by a desire to support Ukrainian refugees, were not always backed by formal plans or long-term strategies. This lack of preparation and formal rules led to the development of informal, unwritten expectations between hosts and refugees, often complicating the situation.

“We didn’t discuss anything”. Liquid Rules and Solid Consequences

As Antonina’s testimony illustrates, many Ukrainian refugees arrived in Poland believing their stay would be temporary. Polish hosts readily welcomed them, often without anticipating the long-term implications. Both parties lacked formal agreements regarding cohabitation rules. This often resulted in ambiguity, with some hosts offering open-ended accommodation without discussing the specifics, as seen in Vera’s and Viktoria’s experiences.

She said, ‘stay as long as you need’. She was somebody who just… I can’t even describe now how it all happened. Because she was in such a confused moment. I’m analyzing it now, and I don’t even understand how it all happened. Like a river – no agreement on how long we could live, no agreement on payment, no agreement on some kind of history, something like that, no mutual agreement, on acceptance, on consideration, on practicality, on how much she gave us to make us feel at home (Vera, UKR21).

They put me in a room. It was a kind of guest room on the ground floor and they said, “Do what you want, eat what you want, take what you want.” There were no rules or restrictions at all (Viktoria, UKR9).

This lack of structure can be understood through Sara Ahmed’s (2000) concept of a “strange encounter,” where identity formation and underlying conflicts arise through unspoken assumptions. These tensions, often not directly voiced, occasionally resulted in uncomfortable situations, such as Ieva being asked to leave through a third party. Additionally, the lack of formal agreements created a sense of indebtedness among refugees, leading some to take on household chores voluntarily, like Ksenia and Maria. However, the experience of gratitude (see: Luczaj, Krakowska and Mykolenko 2025, in press) was not without its complexities, as it sometimes led refugees to feel out of place, prompting some to consider alternative living arrangements or even return to Ukraine. This temporary, uncertain arrangement was often not sustainable in the long term, highlighting the tensions between immediate needs and long-term adaptation.

Refugees Rather Walk Alone: The Absence of Togetherness

Initially, many Ukrainian refugees in Poland had limited social interaction with their compatriots, primarily centered on practical matters such as finding accommodation and transportation. Social media was used primarily for information and communication, but it rarely translated into deeper friendships. Some, like Tina and Olga, were too busy with daily responsibilities to form social connections, while others, like Oksana, avoided engaging due to differences in life priorities or age. These dynamics resemble those of highly skilled Polish migrants in the UK, who similarly refrained from socializing with their compatriots abroad.

Additionally, regional divides within the Ukrainian community such as tensions between people from the West and East – further complicated the possibility of making meaningful friendships in exile.

They came from Lviv [Maria is implying – a relatively safe city], their grandmother lived in a Polish family. She and her mum lived in another Polish family. They decided to leave. They hired a bus to take out all the stuff they had heaped up here. 18 bags. A bus followed them from Lviv to get everything out. 20 kilos of dog food, you know? It’s incomprehensible to me. This is in addition to the amount of money that was sent (Maria, UKR22).

For teenagers, online communities often facilitated offline connections, especially through specific channels like “13-year-olds in Lublin” on Telegram, where they could meet others in similar situations. These platforms became crucial spaces for young people to bond, contrasting with the adult refugees who, due to various personal reasons, did not engage in socializing as actively. This suggests that social integration varied significantly by age group, with children more likely to form friendships through virtual networks.

A group of people standing next to each other with luggage, photo by Kevin Bückert (@kwinmedia), 2022. Published under Unsplash license.

What is Not Fully Narrated?

In examining the interviews in the context of forced migration literature, some common expectations were notably absent or underexplored. While fear and violence are often central in narratives of forced migration, many interviewees focused more on practical issues, such as finding accommodation or a new life partner, with war serving as a backdrop.

Nevertheless, the affective dimension was evident in the narratives, though not always linked to fear and violence. Instead, emotions stemmed from the loss of autonomy, social divides among migrants, ontological uncertainty, and, unexpectedly, the burden of gratitude (Luczaj, Leonowicz-Bukała and Krasko 2024; Luczaj, Krakowska and Mykolenko 2025, in press).

Only some narratives did address the horrors of war, like Olga’s account of hearing about atrocities during her journey. However, for many, the experience of war was less about trauma and more about the uncertainty of displacement, as illustrated by Oksana’s description of the contrast between wartime conditions in different parts of Ukraine.

When I was in Kamianets-Podilskyi, there were shops open… you could see from the people that there was a war going on. (…) And whatever they say about western Ukraine now, I travelled through western Ukraine at that time. The war was felt everywhere. But the difference was that they had shops, you could drink coffee there, you know, all the things that were necessary for a peaceful life. We didn’t have that in Kharkiv at that time (Oksana, UKR25).

Kaźmierska (1999) noted that the narratives of forced migrants often include “histories of others,” wherein people recount the traumatic experiences of others to connect with the broader context of violence and fear. In this study, several interviewees engaged in such storytelling, as seen in Olga’s account of hearing a man’s tragic story during her journey. This distancing technique allowed migrants to relate to the trauma of war without directly reliving it, thus shaping their narratives in a way that merged personal and collective experiences of violence.

Here was a man travelling with us, you know how it is when a person has experienced stress and he speaks, his tongue twitches, and he says, “I’m from Hostomel. (…) and he says, “Yes, we escaped, oh, they do such things there,” and I have a daughter sitting with me, and we are sitting in a second-class seat, he says – “my neighbor’s girls were raped and hung on a tree”. And I was like, “Oh, my God, what a sick person to say such things”, like, ‘Stop, there’s a child sitting here, don’t, don’t, the child is sitting here’. I thought, well, he must be a sick person. I couldn’t understand what this could really be (Olga, UKR4).

Another – quite unexpected but notable – absence was the role of male partners, with many stories primarily focusing on women. This absence may reflect emotional burdens tied to separation or the desire to narrate individual stories of resilience. The interviews, therefore, predominantly tell the stories of strong women navigating displacement, rather than split families.

War Narratives of Young, Educated Women: Key Insights and Conclusions

The analysis of war narratives among post-2022 Ukrainian refugees revealed both similarities to World War II narratives and the distinctiveness of their current situation. Among recurring themes, the narrative thread of “paradise lost” stands out as a well-documented phenomenon. Studying war narratives as they unfold, rather than as distant recollections (Rosenthal 1991; Kaźmierska 1999), allowed us to identify three additional threads shaping Ukrainian refugees’ emotional landscapes: optimistic initial expectations that the war would be short-lived, flexibility of arrangements causing also feelings of indebtedness and a loss of privacy, and lack of bond with other refugees. Among the various reasons, it is worth highlighting symbolic divides within the refugee population, which likely contributed to limited social interaction, though this was rarely stated explicitly.

The interviewees who shared their stories with us recounted emotionally charged events and experiences. However, they employed various narrative strategies, some of which, as I pointed out, did not focus on the war or the reality surrounding it.

This study primarily captured women’s perspectives, reflecting the feminized nature of Ukrainian forced migration (Andrews et al., 2023). Many narratives centered on childrearing and family obligations (Ivashchenko and Kiselyova, 2024: 111-112). Male protagonists, particularly life partners, appeared infrequently in the narratives. This omission may stem from public stigma surrounding men who did not defend Ukraine, shaping the interviewees’ storytelling.

Well-educated interviewees, representative of the broader refugee population, sometimes rejected promising career opportunities due to their caregiving responsibilities. Even those lacking transnational capital (e.g., foreign language skills or travel experience) still possessed educational advantages, which likely shaped their narratives. Less mobile groups, such as senior citizens, might recall migration with greater emphasis on fear.

Age was another key factor: most interviewees were in their 30s and 40s, facing different challenges from younger and older generations. Children and youth often struggled with social integration and fear of rejection (Toros, Kozmenko, and Falch-Eriksen, 2024), while seniors’ experiences remain underexplored. Though research on older refugees has begun (e.g. by Katarzyna Krakowska), further studies are needed to understand their lived experiences fully.


Selected References

Ahmed, S. (2000). Strange Encounters: Embodied Others in Post-Coloniality. Routledge.

Andrews, J. et al. (2003). Feminized forced migration: Ukrainian war refugees. Women’s Studies International Forum, 99, 102756.

Eastmond, M. (2007). Stories as lived experience. Journal of Refugee Studies, 20, 248–264.

Ivashchenko, V., Kiselyova, Y. (2024). “I Am Stronger Now…”: Women academics in forced migration. L’Homme, 35(1), 99-118.

Kalinowska, K. et al. (2023). Społeczeństwo łatwopalne. Collegium Civitas.

Lazarenko, V. (2018). Conflict in Ukraine: narratives of war and displacement. European Politics and Society, 1–17.

Luczaj, K. (2025). Ukrainian refugees in Poland: migration-facilitating capitals. Journal of Immigrant & Refugee Studies, 1–17.

Luczaj, K., Leonowicz-Bukała, I., Krasko, O. (2024). Hidden emotional costs of home accommodation. Emotion, Space and Society, 53, 1-10. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.emospa.2024.101047

Luczaj, K., Krakowska, K., Mykolenko, A. (2025). Gratitude and indebtedness: Ukrainian refugees in Polish households. In: M. Dziekońska, K. Luczaj (Eds.), Assistance to Ukrainian War Refugees in Central Europe, Palgrave Macmillan, in press.

Løland, I. (2020). Refugee narratives of pre-war Syria. European Journal of Cultural Studies, 23(5), 749-767.

Kaźmierska, K. (1999). Doświadczenia wojenne Polaków a kształtowanie tożsamości etnicznej. IFiS PAN.

Kwapisz Williams, K. (2014). Beyond stories of victimhood. Life Writing, 11(4), 437–455.

Pries, L. et al. (2024). Trajectories of forced migration: Central American migrants. Journal on Migration and Human Security, 12(1), 39-53. https://doi.org/10.1177/23315024231216109

Puvimanasinghe, T. et al. (2015). Narrative and silence: former refugees’ trauma. Journal of Refugee Studies, 28(1), 69–92.

Riaño‐Alcalá, P. (2008). Journeys and landscapes of forced migration. Social Anthropology, 16, 1-18.

Rosenthal, G. (1991). German war memories: narrability and social functions. Oral History, 19(2), 34-41.

Rudnicki, P. (2024). Kto jak nie my? Wydawnictwo Naukowe DSW.

Toros, K. et al. (2024). Ukrainian refugee children in Estonia. Children and Youth Services Review, 158, 107461.

Williams, R. (1977/2015). Structures of feeling. In: D. Sharma, F. Tygstrup (Eds.), Structures of Feeling: Affectivity and the Study of Culture, De Gruyter, 20-25.


About the Author

Kamil Luczaj is an Assistant Professor of Sociology at the University of Łódź, Poland. Specializing in migration studies and the sociology of higher education, he employs qualitative interviewing and ethnographic methods. He completed his PhD at Jagiellonian University and held visiting positions at the University of New Mexico, Slovak Academy of Sciences, University of Cambridge, and University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign. Luczaj has led multiple research projects on academic migration and the academic profession, publishing in journals such as Studies in Higher Education, Geoforum, and Higher Education Policy.


Footnotes

[1] Source: https://www.pravda.com.ua/eng/news/2024/02/21/7442930/ [15 May 2024], https://razumkov.org.ua/en/research-areas/surveys/public-opinion-on-the-war-victory-and-security-guarantees [15 May 2024].


Citation: Kamil Luczaj, Finding Home in Exile: How Ukrainian Refugees Remember Their Time in Polish Households, in: TRAFO – Blog for Transregional Research, 18.03.2025, https://trafo.hypotheses.org/55839


OpenEdition suggests that you cite this post as follows:
Forum Transregionale Studien (March 18, 2025). Finding Home in Exile: How Ukrainian Refugees Remember Their Time in Polish Households. TRAFO – Blog for Transregional Research. Retrieved April 21, 2025 from https://doi.org/10.58079/13i6v


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